There comes a time in every relationship where you just get sick and tired of looking at the same ole ugly mug across the breakfast table from you. Murder isn’t an option (usually) and divorces can get very spendy. So, what to do to make your life more entertaining and theirs a little bit more aggravated? I’m so glad you asked. Here are a few of my favorite ways to annoy the love in my life:
1. Delete their “must watch” game or favorite show before they get to watch it. In the middle of their hissy fit, and just before they start to throw things, sweetly tell them that there was a power outage and point to the clocks (that you unplugged earlier) and are now blinking 12:00. When they calm down, smile and tell them who won the game or how their show ended.
2. Cook their favorite meals every night of the week, but add their least favorite veggies and accidentally over-season the main course. When they ask about it, tell them that everything tastes just fine to you. Hint: Use your favorite spices so you’ll be able to gag it down with a straight face.
3. Throw away or hide one pair of their underwear every day until they only have the pair they are wearing left. Plead innocence when asked if you have seen their underwear. Or answer with my favorite, “I dunno, honey, I don’t wear your underwear, did you ask the dog?”
4. Let the air out of one of their tires once a week. Pick a different day each week just to mixed it up a little and keep them guessing. To really confuse them, choose a different tire each time. If you can, do it while they are at work for a little bonus surprise…for them.
5. Replace all of their favorite beverages with the diet equivalent. “Hey, where is all my Pepsi?!” “I thought you said you wanted to lose some weight cuz yer butt was getting too big for your jeans so I bought diet Pepsi.” If this doesn’t make them start to watch their waistline, I don’t know what will.
6. Answer every one of their questions with a question. This is just plain fun to do to anyone at anytime. “What’s for dinner?” “I dunno, what would you like for dinner?” “I don’t care, what do you want?” “It doesn’t matter to me, so you don’t mind if we have salad?” “You know I hate salad.” “You do?” “Want to go out to eat?” “Do you?” *slam* *giggle*
7. Delete all the pre-programmed radio stations in their vehicle. It works best if you time it with the flat tire. Repeat as needed to drive them nuts.
8. Text all of his Tuesday night poker buddies from his phone and cancel the game. Blame it on monthly “male issues.”
9. Sign him up for a monthly romance book club and charge it to his credit card. For added spice, get his best friend a gift subscription. Be sure to sign the card, “With all my love, *spouse’s name*”
10. Move the keys to his recreational vehicle (dirt bike, quad, etc.) a minimum of one foot and slightly behind something so it’s peeking out. Guaranteed he won’t find it for a month.
These little annoyances might not bring the romance back into your relationship, but who cares? It’s time to grab the bull by the horns and hold on for 8. Life is too short not to enjoy it…either at the expense of your spouse or by yourself. And remember, “If you can’t be good, be good at it.” – Neal McCoy.
Have a favorite way to annoy that someone special in your life? Please, share it! I ‘d love to hear it!