This week, I’ve gone maverick, but not by choice. I’m pretty sure it’s not something I did. But it could have been something I said, cuz my mouth is always getting me into trouble. And I know it ain’t cuz of personal hygiene – I shower daily, religiously; it’s the only time I can get away from the Benevolent Benefactor and the little guy. Interrupting me during my shower will get you verbally assaulted and a little bloodied. Kyla taught me the Art of Prell. I am now a master of shampoo warfare.
I did a little snooping to find out what happened to my normally loyal to the bitter end co-hosts and what I found was disturbing and may have cured me of my stalking tendencies permanently.
Julie DeNeen: Julie was recently spotted in the local grocery store kicking a grumpy old man in the shin for having the audacity to suggest he should be allowed to cut in front of her at the checkout line just because he only had 2 items. We all know that’s the oldest ploy in the world; old people can’t make it through the checkout without suddenly needing to ask the clerk to run at least once price check and when the next delivery of Depends is due since they are out of their size. A small riot ensued with the horde of frazzled SAHMs easily overpowering the legion of geriatrics waving an assortment of canes and walkers. Julie was released on her own recognizance with the stipulation that she must remain 50 feet away from crotchety old people.
Kate Evans Hall: After adopting half a village of exuberant children from China, Kate embarrassed both Angelina Jolene and Madonna. Instead of taking it personally, the three of them have joined forces and are in the process of adopting the small country of Seychelles. Rumor has it that a small disagreement erupted about who gets the island during Spring Break. My money is on Kate to win by a draw. After all, she commands superior fighting power with her platoon of small warriors with kung fu action grip.
Sarah Almond: Sarah was a little more difficult to track down. Seems she has partnered up with Madmartigan. Together, they are traipsing around Galladoorn, looking for his misplaced breeches. I’m betting they fell behind Sarah’s dresser when they were hurriedly getting dressed before RDJ got home from saving the world, yet again. Don’t worry, Sarah, your secret list of super hero lovers is safe with me. You sly vixen! Next time, give yourself at least 10 more minutes for redressing. That should save you from misplaced garments and embarrassing moments when you’re spotted breathless and pantless on the subway.
MJM: I found MJ hiding in a famous “Drug Treatment” facility in Southern California where he’s being counseled on his addiction to three-boobied aliens (male or female hasn’t been determined as of this posting) and his debilitating condition known as “P**** Envy.” I offered to buy him a lifelike adult toy, but his counselor assured me that it would only make him feel even more inferior. A week earlier, a little girl had showed him an anatomically correct Ken doll that sent him into a bout of hysteria. After an hour, the counselors were finally able to talk him off of the first floor ledge. Mj, I hope you get better soon. Your friends at “Billy’s House of Big Boobs” miss you something awful.
So, my friends, this week, we’re on our own. I guess we should get this show on the road.
Welcome to the tenth Humor Me! Blog Hop – where funny rules and boring is poked with a cattle prod til it cries. Before you link up, a few things to remember or find yourself sitting next to boring;
♦ Make sure it contains HUMOR! You know, that stuff that makes you laugh like a bored high school freshman that discovers helium for the first time.
♦ Don’t forget to VOTE for your FAVORITE POSTS so we can slather the winner in whipped cream and chocolate syrup to show our unbridled appreciation for their comedic brilliance.
♦ Check out my crazy-brilliant co-hosts who have ALL stood me up this week:
MJM @ The Insane Asylum
So, down to the boring crap – the rules of the blog hop:
1 – Share 1 or more of your funny blog posts (dust off the old ones or create a brand spanking new one, whatever tickles your private parts). 2 – For every post you share, please read one other post from the hop (preferably someone else’s). And don’t forget to leave a comment if you enjoyed their post. (I’m not proud, I blog so I get my ego stroked – I’m not getting it at home, so I gotta get it somewhere!)
3 – The hardest part – have FUN! Pop a cork, twist a cap, open a box of chocolates – whatever it takes to get you comfy so you’ll waste hours reading our posts.
