The Land of Bloppy Bloggers
There once was a beautiful blonde blogger named Julie who ruled her Land of Bloppy Blogging with an iron fist. “Write! Write!” she would yell at her loyal followers. When they were disobedient, she would send her enforcer, Stacy to have a little talk with the blogger.
“Write shit and polish it til it sparkles,” Stacy would encourage. And the scared blogger would obey. Until one day, a new blogger named Terrye, entered into the happy land of Bloppy Blogger and set up a blog. Many questions had she and asked them she did. Julie and Stacy answered each and every annoying question with grace, style and experience.
After much coaching and tutoring, Terrye found she had an opportunity to become a real blogger where people threw pocket change at her to read her pitiful writings. Realizing that she might not be up to the task, she turned to the Queen Blogger for advice.
“Write! Write!” advised Julie. “Even if it’s shit! Write!
“I’m afraid!” whined Terrye.
“Enough!” countered Julie, “Stacy! Deal with this wretch!”
“Write shit!” ordered the enforcer, Stacy.
“I can’t write shit, I have to write good,” cried the pitiful blogger, Terrye.
“Write shit and then shine it til it sparkles. Not like the vampires, because I like vampires. But like shit. Spray rose perfume on it and make it smell like a rose.”
“You ask me to write shit that looks like sparkles and smells like roses?” asked the stunned Terrye.
“Yes, you can write shit. You write shit every day. Now write shit that smells good. And be quick about it,” ordered Stacy.
“And go to writeordie.com!” Added Queen Blogger.
So, Terrye journeyed to the place of Writeordie.com and wrote as she was told. She wrote and she wrote on kamikaze level, for 500 words. Sweat cascaded down her brow and dripped upon the keyboard, yet she wrote. Her fingers ached for forgiveness, yet she wrote. When she thought she would no longer be able to form a word and put it in her story, she pushed through and she wrote. As the screen began to flash it’s angry red, her anus puckered and she pressed on, not wanting another visit from the enforcer or a lecture from Julie.
Ok, so I have to pay friends to be excited for me.
Terrye began to see that it only took persistence and a commitment to writing to work through the anxiety. Finally, the word count began to rapidly accelerate towards the magic number of 500. And she saw hope upon the horizon. Her friends were there, smiling and waving while shouting words of encouragement.
“You can do it,” Kristi sang as she jumped up and down.
“Write faster, the red flash is going to get you!” yelled, Sarah.
Kate wrung her hands yet smiled and quietly shouted, “You are almost there, just a little further!”
And Terrye saw that there were only 41 words let to type before she could return to the land of Bloppy Bloggers and present her writeordie.com challenge at the feet of the Blog Queen Julie. And she typed on, one word at a time, until the words were done and said.
To ask Julie, the Blog Queen questions of your very own, check out her blogs here: Fabulous Blogging or Julie DeNeen 2.0. I wouldn’t tell her that Terrye sent you, she might send you to meet the enforcer.
If yer feeling froggy and wanna have your ass handed to you on a sparkly shit serving plate, check out Stacy’s blog: Ramblings Of An Undiagnosed Mad Woman. She’s not as harmless as she pretends. My ass still hurts!
Now on to the fun – the REAL reason you dropped in!
Welcome to the fifth Humor Me! Blog Hop – where funny rules and boring is drop-kicked into an alternate universe. Before you link up, a few things to remember or find yourself sitting next to boring;
♦ Make sure it contains HUMOR! You know, that stuff that makes you laugh like a drunk prom queen seeing a p**** for the first time. Are there really any virgin prom queens left in the world?
♦ Don’t forget to VOTE for your FAVORITE POSTS so we can dry hump the winner to show our unbridled appreciation for their comedic brilliance. I gotta bribe you guys somehow to keep ya coming back! *wink*
