Not everyone understands my sense of humor. I get that. If we all liked the same things, shit would become boring real quick. But if someone doesn’t ‘get’ my humor, is it really necessary to debate the details or try to correct me?
I used to write for an online site called HubPages until I became disenchanted with the way they view humor posts. I haven’t taken all my ‘hubs’ down yet, because, frankly, Google still sends non-hubbers for a visit and I like the pennies I make monthly without having to do anything. The comments I get, on the other hand, drive me to bang my head against a hard, flat surface.
One of the things I wrote about was stuff people can do on a cruise ship if they got bored. Totally overboard types of things; stuff your underwear with shrimp at the all you can eat seafood buffet, pretend to be the ship’s photographer, plan a panty raid on the crew – you know, outlandish stuff that ‘most’ people would probably recognize as something called ‘hilarity.’ Not stuff that the average Joe would take as gospel.
English: MS Majesty of the Seas, one of Royal Caribbean International’s Sovereign class cruise ships, anchored off Coco Cay, Royal Caribbean’s name for Little Stirrup Cay, an island located in the Bahamas. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
But, no. On more than one occasion, I’ve received comments that cruise ships aren’t boring and I must be doing it wrong, none of the activities I listed were on their particular cruise, and on and on. I’d really like to find them and slap them but my anger management counselor would probably frown on that little display of affection. My parole officer warned me that I might have to leave polite society for an extended period if he caught me not playing nice again.
All this makes me wonder if I’m from another planet and was accidentally left behind on one of the cow mangling expeditions (see, that there was a nod to alien humor in case you didn’t get it). So what do I do? Do I give up the funny shit and start writing on yawn-fest topics like: how to train your grass to grow green? Best way to clean the lint out of your belly button without impaling yourself? New ways to fix old roadkill?
I’m not very good at the funny shit, heaven knows how badly I’d suck at the serious crap, not that crap is serious. Most of the mommy bloggers I read seem to love writing about crap; stinky crap, runny crap, surprise crap. They make it funny because crap is just naturally hilarious, good ole potty humor, don’t ya know. Unless you step in it. Then it’s just gross. And we’re back to smelly crap.
Then I got to thinking which always gets me into some serious trouble. If people don’t get a simple thing like alternative activities on a cruise ship, how the hell are they gonna take some of my deeper musings?! Are they going to tell me I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about? Do they know what they hell they’re talking about?
1. The Constipated Caveman. In the history of mankind, has there ever been a case where a caveman stepped out of the cave to take care of some business and was eaten by a hungry predator? It could happen while he was squatting over a log, reading the New Cave Times, hoping for a miracle cure for his painful constipation. A saber tooth lion, strolling through the woods might have heard his grunting, wandered over to investigate and found an easy meal. It’s not like the constipated caveman could run fast in all that pain. Is that why the saber tooth lion died out? Because man discovered an effective relief for constipation?
Funny Dinosaur King is Biggest in the World (Photo credit: epSos.de)
2. Ghost Dinosaurs. I admit it, I’m addicted to the shows on the SYFY and Travel Channels that feature ghost hunting and harassing the paranormal. C’mon, who wouldn’t wanna watch Zac Bagans, Nick Groff, and Aaron Goodwin spend the night in hella scary locations talking to dead people?
I’ve seen videos of people, horses, dogs and cats that have transformed from warm bodies to apparitions and now spend their time wandering around wondering what the hell happened. But one thing has always haunted me. Why aren’t there any dinosaur ghosts? Is there a time limit on being a spirit? Do you eventually just have to give up the ghost and fade away? I often speculate that’s where the reports of untraceable dinosaurs in the jungles come from. The dinosaurs aren’t just really good at hiding their 10 ton bodies behind 5 inch wide trees; people are just seeing and hearing dino-ghosts.
3. Fish Poop. Yep, we’re back to talkin’ shit again. I have never liked going into the water that fish occupy. Why? Well, it’s not because I’m afraid they’ll nibble my toes or swim into areas on my body that they don’t belong. Nope, I have a fear of fish poop. Crazy, I know!
I know that every creature creates a waste byproduct. Humans tend to flush it down toilets. Cats leave presents in litter filled boxes. Dogs drop deposits on my front lawn. Cows make pies in pastures. But where does the fish shit go? Does it float around and slowly sink to the bottom until spring break when thousands of drunk kids descend into the waters. Their gyrating water dances stir up the sand and fish poop. The thought of soaking in a stew of fish crap makes me shutter.
Not my niche.
And herein lies my conundrum; if some of the readers don’t get my subtle humor, how is the really bizarre stuff gonna go over? I don’t fit neatly into a cute little box with a sparkly bow on top. I’m not a niche writer, so I don’t have a devote following. What’s a sorta funny writer to do? Throw in the towel and give up writing all together? Keep plugging away in the hopes that eventually there will be something that clicks and people start to ‘get’ it? Or go back to yawn-worthy technical writing and die of boredom? Throw me a bone, hell, make it a dino bone if ya wanna. Remember to lift with your legs.