The day starts out like any other much deserved day off; errands, grocery shopping, a gourmet lunch from a top notch drive thru. You’re thrilled that you got it all done in record time and now the rest of the day is yours to relax and enjoy. You smile to yourself as you cruise down the highway on your way home with thoughts of kicking back and catching the game or a movie, heck you might even be able to squeeze in a well-earned nap. That’s when it hits; a clunk and a strange noise. Suddenly, before you can say ‘holy crap!’ your old reliable is now sending you careening and shrieking like a cat on fire to the side of the road as the other cars swerve to avoid decorating their hoods with your vehicular hinny.
Sitting there, grasping the steering wheel in your white knuckle death grip, you say a silent prayer to the Almighty for snatching you from the gaping maw of a certain painful and horribly disfiguring death. You realize the only casualty of the incident is your now excessively moist underwear. Once the shock recedes like the tide, reality dawns. Taking a deep breath, you climb out of your seemingly perfectly fine vehicle to take a look. Doing a once over, you find nothing wrong, yet the stubborn and confounded machine refuses to crank over. With a heavy sigh, you call for a rescue and begin the long wait for the man who is at the same time a relief and a displeasure to see; the tow truck driver.
So, what do you do to pass the time until he gets there to collect you and your car and hand you a bill that rivals your monthly rent?
1. Organize the glove box. It’s been awhile, huh?
2. Check your passengers for ticks and fleas. This is great fun if you have your significant other with you.
3. Play ‘slug bug.’ This is even more interesting if you are alone or with your dog. You might have to explain to Rover that slugging is ok, but biting back is not. Try explaining to your friends why you arrived home with a mouth full of dog hair.
4. Count all the change you found under the seats and in all the crevices and hope you have enough to pay the tow truck driver in pennies.
5. Update your Facebook status and check-in. Promise bodily harm to any friends that post jabs at you or make fun of your situation.
6. Cuss out your car in Pig Latin. It’s ok, unless you got your car from Pigbackistan.
7. Play phone tag with the tow truck driver that is now lost somewhere three counties over. Remember, he’s charging you travel time, so he’ll be happy to play this game all day.
8. Practice your wild animal calls. Scorage if you actually get any wild animals to answer or come hang out with you while you wait.
9. Post a picture of you and your broken down vehicle on your Facebook timeline. Play “caption this photo” and promise lunch to the winner of the best caption.
10. Weave grass baskets from the weeds growing on the side of the road. You might have enough time to make Christmas presents for everyone on this years list.
11. Capture 2 or more bugs and have them battle it out gladiator style in an empty soda bottle. Shake it a little if they don’t cooperate. Toss in a spider to take out the winner.
12. Count the number of times a cow takes a crap in an hour. Feed her the old French fries you found under the front seat to up the total. No, it’s not really cheating, it’s called creative solutions.
13. Arrange all the trash on the side of the road into ‘recyclables’ and ‘non-recyclables.’ Leave a note for the chain gang that you did all the hard work for them.
14. Balance rocks. Knock over and restack in a different order.
15. ‘Sext’ your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. This is even more fun if they are stuck on the side of the road with you. Which leads into #16.
16. Fulfill a fantasy about being stuck on the side of the road with a sex crazed beast. Switch roles for round 2 if you have time.
17. Explain to the nice law enforcement officer that you aren’t really a sexual deviant and convince him that you really are broken down on the side of the road and waiting for the tow truck.
18. Update your FaceBook status and give a shout out to the very understanding police officer that let you go with just a warning.
19. Apologize to your car and beg for its forgiveness. Don’t forget to promise it an oil change when you get home.
20. Write about being stuck on the side of the road to post online when you finally get home.
Waiting on the side of the road for your knight in the shining tow truck doesn’t have to be boring or unproductive. With a little imagination and creativity, the long hours can be spent exploring the world around you or creating unprecedented works of art and gifts. Consider the whole experience a chance to take a break from the frantic hustle and bustle of life and stop to smell the roses, or the odoriferous cow patties in the green pasture you’ve been stuck next to for the past 2 hours.